Great Scene: “Bull Durham”

Annie lays down some ground rules for Ebby and Crash.

Movie: Bull Durham (1988), written and directed by Ron Shelton.

IMDb plot summary: A fan who has an affair with one minor-league baseball player each season meets an up-and-coming pitcher and the experienced catcher assigned to him.

Scene Setup: Annie (Susan Sarandon) invites Ebby (Tim Robbins) and Crash (Kevin Costner) over to her place.

               INT. ANNIE'S LIVING ROOM -- NIGHT               THE SHRINE OF BASEBALL GLOWS -- Annie lights the
candles.
EBBY AND CRASH SIT ON OPPOSITE ENDS OF HER COUCH --
Both men look around the room with wonder. Ebby is
clearly more nervous than Crash, who's been in some
strange rooms in his minor league career.
ANNIE
These are the ground rules.
(beat)
I hook up with one guy a season -- I
mean it takes me a couple of weeks
to pick the guy -- kinda my own spring
training...
(beat)
And, well, you two are the most
promising prospects of the season so
far.
(beat)
So... I thought we should get to
know each other.
CRASH
Why do you get to choose? Why don't
I get to choose?
ANNIE
Actually none of us on this planet
ever really choose each other. It's
all Quantum Physics and molecular
attraction. There are laws we don't
understand that bring us together
and break us apart.
EBBY
Is somebody gonna go to bed with
somebody or what?
ANNIE
You're a regular nuclear meltdown,
honey -- slow down.
Crash rises to leave, and heads for the door. CRASH
After 12 years in the minor leagues,
I don't try out. Besides -- I don't
believe in, Quantum Physics when it
comes to matters of the heart... or
loins.
ANNIE
(challenging him)
What do you believe in?
Crash at the door. Annie's question is slightly
taunting.
He stops, and speaks with both aloofness and passion: CRASH
I believe in the soul, the cock, the
pussy, the small of a woman's back,
the hanging curve ball, high fiber,
good scotch, long foreplay, show
tunes, and that the novels of Thomas
Pynchon are self-indulgent, overrated
crap.
(beat)
I believe that Lee Harvey Oswald
acted alone, I believe that there
oughtta be a constitutional amendment
outlawing astro-turf and the
designated hitter, I believe in the
"sweet spot", voting every election,
soft core pornography, chocolate
chip cookies, opening your presents
on Christmas morning rather than
Christmas eve, and I believe in long,
slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that
last for 7 days.
ANNIE
(breathless)
Oh my...
(softly)
Don't leave...
CRASH
G'night.
Crash heads out into the night. Annie hurries to
to the door while Ebby sits on the couch, bewildered.
EBBY
Hey -- what's all this molecule stuff?
ANNIE STANDS IN THE DOORWAY -- Crash is on the porch. ANNIE
Wait, Crash -- don't go -- all I
want is a date. I'm not gonna fall
in love with you or nothin'.
CRASH
I'm not interested in a woman who's
interested in that boy.
ANNIE
I'm not interested yet.
Ebby appears in the door. EBBY
Who you calling a "boy"?
CRASH
See ya at the yard, Meat.
Crash walks out into the Durham night. Ebby and Annie
stand in the doorway. She speaks softly to Ebby.
ANNIE
No ballplayer ever said "no" to a
date with me.
EBBY
Well shit, then, let's fuck.

The scene as it plays in the movie:

Interesting to note, Ron Shelton is quoted as saying he wrote Crash’s speech never intending it to appear in the movie, rather a monologue to attract an actor’s interest. Yet here it is, one of the most memorable sides of dialogue in contemporary movie history.

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